Truthfully.
I have been in recovery for anorexia and bulimia five times.
I am now 104 pounds, post recovery, and I am relapsing. Today.
But i need something more. I am eighteen years old, and i have carried this need since I was eleven. This need to shrink. I don't think i can live with this on my own anymore.
First of all let me fill you in on my life as it is right now. As I've said, I'm an english eighteen year old. I'm doing my final exams to get to university. I want to be a radiographer. I love bones, even the ones that aren't mine. I have been in love for three years, with my soulmate. He is the only thing I have that is pure. We'll call him DMN.
I am an orphan, but i have an amazing family who accepted me, and have allowed me to live with them for many many years. I call them mother, father, sister, brothers. Because they are, simple.
I write a lot. I paint. I play musical instruments. Wherever my mood takes me, I go. I am temperamental and grumpy, but I'll die for a friend.
All in all, I'm a very average human being. But i have an addiction. That addiction is food. I don't mean just eating it. I obsess about the smell, how it looks, how it feels. But i hate it inside me.
I am making this blog, not to tempt others into my lifestyle, not to write a sob story, not to be an attention whore.
I want to make a mark...I want to show everyone that people with eating disorders aren't void of personality, they're troubled, but they're like anyone. They can BE anyone.
talk to me. relate to me. share with me.
Jemimah
104 pounds, 5 feet tall. Rehabilitated, but as always not for long.
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I would give anything to be 104 pounds! iv had an eating disorder for five years now, been in treatment once and have to really trick my parents into thinking im ok ha i finally moved away to school so im free to eat and do what i want, i have great will power in not eating but i get very very tired and i am in school after all so i kinda gotta be awake ha got any tips for me?
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteThat was so touching... I wish you could see your true potential for life and how much you have to offer at the weight you are at now!
It is amazing that being an orphan has not affected you and goodluck at university!
Thank you for writing this and creating this blog.
ReplyDeleteYou hooked me when you started talking about your 'addiction'...I can relate exactly and precisely to this. I have the same sort of unbelievable obsession...I think that is the hardest part of ana/mia for other people to understand. They don't understand how one can be addicted to food, but yet be more addicted to the feeling of a stomach entirely void of it. I quite literally spend 90% of my day thinking about food, about what I would eat if I could, about how much better I feel when I am hungry than when I have eaten something...it's rather amazing. I wonder sometimes how I would spend my time and what I would think about if I wasn't thinking about being thin. It's rather interesting! :) Anyways, that was kind of a ramble, but I look forward to following your blog!