replies to comments, and my "super fun" evening out

Okay, so a couple weeks ago, A group of my friends that i went to sixth form with(which for people from the U.S. is kind of like college I think) invited me and my boyfriend out for "pizza and drinks and a catch up", where we would meet on this date (4th January) at half three, and then eat and drink etc for as long as we wanted. Of course, in my head, I heard the funeral march. Oh my god, i thought, what on earth am i going to do, PIZZA??? I'd literally rather do some kind of passionate embrace with a really violent animal. But these are my friends, and since they all went off to uni (I have been left behind, as i went into hospital for my ED and thus became a year behind on my studies-although I have been very fortunate boyfriendwise...he decided to stay with me, and continue his studies when i was well enough to do the same) Anyway, so I really didn't want them to know I was doing all this again, as I really hurt them last time....and I'm not exactly gonna see them again for a long time, so for the sake of their feelings i decided to fast up until today, and then just try to eat it. My god, I didn't fast long enough I'm telling you. I got the thinnest crust I could-Tuscani, and the healthiest topping I could, and I did manage a couple of small slices, so I felt sort of proud that I didn't ruin the evening. But then the alcohol time came, we all went to a bar and everyone started getting all merry....so I ordered one SoCo and lemonade and sipped it reeeeeeally slowly, then a white wine and lemonade and didn't drink it all. So all in all, I'm hoping I didn't do too badly, but I just can't shake the guilt. Or the feeling that I'm somehow dirty now that I've ruined the empty cleanliness of my insides... Anyway, so that was my day, now I wanna respond to my comments :-)

Okay, first of all someone anonymous left me a lovely comment about how they found my first entry touching, and that they thought it was good that I wasn't affected by being an orphan. I want to say thank you, I was really nervous about telling all about myself like that, But i wanted to tell the whole truth, you know? I won't lie, I do go to some dark places when I think about never seeing my parents, never being able to form friendships with them. But I have ana, I have my boyfriend, My new family and now I have this blog, and I just know I'm going to meet some amazing people through this :-) keep in touch

Secondly, I had a comment asking about the fatigue that ana leaves us with. Well, I have LOTS of tips for that :-)
I find that fasting is absolutely FANTASTIC for losing those pounds, and actually, as long as I stay hydrated, I generally don't feel too tired (apart from in the mornings) Water is your friend. Drink as much water as you can bear to drink. Also, if there is a time in the day where you know you need energy, it's okay to prepare for that. If you eat for energy straight before something, then after fasting, the digestion process actually wears you out. So maybe if you have a particular occasion, eat something earlier that's healthy, yet a bit heavy...like a banana for instance, something you'll feel guilty about, so that you won't eat again because of the guilt, but it's high enough in sugar that it energises you just in time for whatever you need it for.
If there's no special occasion that might merit eating, then try to do things externally that make you feel energised. Maybe as soon as you get up, have a really quick refreshing wash with something that smells fruity and livens you up, and a wake up tea, again something a bit fruity for the morning. And just continue pepping yourself throughout the day. In my lunchbreak, I always sneak off to the bathroom at some point and use a cucumber facial wipe to just freshen my face and eyes, and then I redo my make up if i was wearing any. Works a treat!!! And then, if all else fails, CAFFEINE PILLS!!! they are like my saviour :-P but I try not to rely on them too much, as they cause one hell of a crash if you take too many! The first time I tried them I was thirteen, and I knew nothing about them....I took about six through the day, and then got on the bus to go home, and woke up at the bus station which is roughly....28 miles from my house. That was a baaaaaad day!! (i didn't have to walk but my mum was sooooooooooo p*ssed off at having to come and get me)

So anyway, I hope that helps!!! If there's anything else you've heard about, but aren't sure if it works, just ask, as I am fairly sure I've pretty much tried it all.

Anyway guys, thanks so much for reading. Next time, I'm gonna be telling you different ways I've managed to sit and socialise at a meal, with family and friends, and not spoil the evening...but I didn't eat a THING!! ;-)

keep thinking thin

Jemimah
xxx

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