I was thinking earlier, while i was eating a meal my mum cooked-as a suprise, without telling me- knowing all the while that I was going to purge it straight afterwards, that a lot of my issues with bulimia stem from caring so much what people think. If I had it my way, I would never eat. This morning I weighed myself, and I was 102.6 pounds...was a little disappointed that i've barely lost anything. Then I got in from college, after a day of pain (pulled my muscles REALLY badly in my calves, exercising last night, can hardly walk and everyone at college found this particularly funny.....assholes....) and my mum had a whole meal cooked....packed with carbs and dairy, so basically my worst nightmare. So i ate a portion of it (pasta parcels in sauce, Cauliflower cheese and potatoes) because I just knew that the second i refused it, she would be devastated. I think my mum sees cooking food as giving love, in a way. I also think that, being orphaned at a fairly young age made me attach massive importance on family, so now that i have one....I'm kind of desperate not to make them mad, or sad, or anything less than happy. So i sat there eating it, hating every calHORRIFIC mouthful, and then went and drank a litre of water, pranced about a bit to shake it all up, and then purged the hell out of it. And now i feel crappy, and sceptical that the reading on the scale tomorrow is going to be what I want to see....

So, to wrap up, feeling lousy and in pain today!!!

if any of you have tried my bag-in-sleeve trick, let me know how it went!!!

Jemimah
xxx



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