Started the day with a wicked stomach ache, from laxatives that I took in a slight frenzy before I went to bed. My measurements are 31.5, 22, 33.5, but I'm short so those measurements are worthless. Started the day with a cup of tea to make my boyfriend happy. I think he knows something's wrong. I've steadily lost weight over christmas, instead of gaining, despite the fact that to everyone I spent christmas with, I appear to have eaten what I've been advised to eat by my doctor. Thankfully, being post-op, This isn't as much as a recovery diet, but is still enough to make the bile rise in my throat at the thought. I've reverted to the fashionable blazers, with non-fashion adjustments....sandwich bags sewn in the pockets and sleeves, allowing me to dispose of the crap later. The tea I drank this morning soothed my stomach ache somewhat, but I hate the feeling of the hot fluid slipping down.
I feel like a rabbit hole is about to open under me. Anyone reading this who suffers in the same way will know the feeling, that you aren't going to be able to save yourself from yourself, not this time. Over summer, I wasn't exactly a bad girl. I occasionally purged after days out with the boyfriend and his mum, having been lost in the happy family day out feeling, and eating something that would fester inside me for the rest of the day....and on the days I didn't eat, he didn't know that. I've been kind, and thoughtful, which isn't like me at all. Normally, I actually couldn't give a shit if he knows, because I figure, well this is me, isn't it? But we've been together five long years now, and when I look into his face, I know i have to conceal it. Even if it continues being so blindly obvious, I have to deny, and he hopefully will look the other way to avoid the pain. Because this problem has been in my life longer than he has, but he might be harder to let go of, even if that is a gigantic statement, considering I've struggled for nearly exactly ten years. My 21st looms.
I'm gloomy today. I guess I'll try and drown it with water I don't want to drink, hopefully helping the laxatives I can't help but take along the way.
Jemimah
xxx
Powered by WebRing.I feel like a rabbit hole is about to open under me. Anyone reading this who suffers in the same way will know the feeling, that you aren't going to be able to save yourself from yourself, not this time. Over summer, I wasn't exactly a bad girl. I occasionally purged after days out with the boyfriend and his mum, having been lost in the happy family day out feeling, and eating something that would fester inside me for the rest of the day....and on the days I didn't eat, he didn't know that. I've been kind, and thoughtful, which isn't like me at all. Normally, I actually couldn't give a shit if he knows, because I figure, well this is me, isn't it? But we've been together five long years now, and when I look into his face, I know i have to conceal it. Even if it continues being so blindly obvious, I have to deny, and he hopefully will look the other way to avoid the pain. Because this problem has been in my life longer than he has, but he might be harder to let go of, even if that is a gigantic statement, considering I've struggled for nearly exactly ten years. My 21st looms.
I'm gloomy today. I guess I'll try and drown it with water I don't want to drink, hopefully helping the laxatives I can't help but take along the way.
Jemimah
xxx
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